Barbie Dreams

As a young girl I loved to play with Barbie dolls. My secret dreams were acted out with Barbie play--the dreams of being a fashion designer, a model, an actress, a singer, a lawyer, doctor, scientist, architect, landscape artist, interior designer, and adventurer. Barbie could do it all, and in my dreams I could too. I wanted to have hair like Barbie, a face like Barbie, her figure, her clothes, her shoes, and her convertible Corvette.

A couple of weeks ago I was dressed up and ready to hit the town (OK, ready to go to church). I slipped on my black patent leather stiletto slides as i was heading out the door and had a flashback to the Barbie days. My Barbie had black stiletto slides just like the ones I slipped into! Wow! I had Barbie shoes!

Quickly my mind went to the shoe section of my closet, and I realized there were more Barbie shoes in my closet! Multiple pairs of those Barbie stilettos lined the shoe shelves in my closet. Black, brown, navy blue, green, purple, and Cheetah print!. Closed toes, peep toes, sandals, slides, and wedges! The shoes I wear because I love how they look--not because of comfort (although if I am not walking miles during the day, I can be comfortable in my Barbie shoes.) In an instant my shoes emerged into a symbol of childhood dreams coming true.

It is silly, but somehow this epiphany of Barbie dreams helped me look at other aspects of my life that are pieces of dreams that have come true. I have a knight in shining armor that rescued me and treats me like a princess. I have beautiful, smart, motivated, healthy, talented, and good children. My grandchildren are the best. I have a professional career. My needs, and many of my wants are met. I am healthy, active, and in a small way adventurous. I have designed clothes for myself and my children. As a teacher and mother, I am an actress--as I teach I have to keep attention focused on me and the instructional content, as a mother I sometimes had to pretend I was unafraid. I have sung to my children, even when they didn't want me to. Decorating a home (with our often very limited budget) would tax the greatest interior designers' abilities, and I have accomplished this. The list goes on--science projects and observations, doctoring the cuts, bruises, and broken hearts, designing and analyzing plans for our home, . . . .

So, maybe my childhood dreams didn't come to pass exactly the way I imagined. I definitely do not have the Barbie hair, face, figure, clothes, or Corvette. But I do have Barbie shoes, and so much more.

Test Drive

No, we are not test driving a new vehicle (yet--we do want to pick up a different truck, though). I have been practicing so I can pass the driving part of the motorcycle endorsement. Last summer I took the written part of the test and have been driving with a temporary endorsement--kind of like a learner's permit. Now, I need to take the driving part of the test. It is so-o-o-o hard! Mikie (son) took me down to the course and walked me through the cone weave, the tight U-turn, the 90 degree left turn, the obstacle portion, and the quick stop. After practicing two hours that evening, I could finally do the 90 degree turn (some of the time), the obstacle portion, and the quick stop.

Mike (husband) and I went down last night, and they had repainted the course and changed things on it! Now I am not quite sure what to do! He still had me practice and I did worse than I did the time before! I don't think I will ever be able to master this. The frustrating part is that you have to do things on the course that most people will never be required to do in real-life. On top of that, Utah changed the law a couple of years ago for the endorsement requirements. A person used to be able to pass the course test on any size bike and get their license. So a person could drive the course on a tiny 250 (which is fairly easy to do) and have the endorsement. Now in order to drive a bigger bike, you have to pass the course on a big bike--and it is not that easy to do. Even Mike, who has been riding motorcycles since he was a kid, said parts of the test are a little tricky on a bigger size bike.

Next week my temp license expires. I will either be celebrating or . . . . . . . .

Wish me luck, I will need lots of it!

Empty Nest

Why is it that everyone is so excited about the kids growing up and moving out? I admit that I looked forward to that day, but now that the day is here I can't stand it. With the kids at home there was always something to do, someone to talk to and care for, and the feeling that I made a difference in the home. Yes, the difference may have only been that the laundry was done, the grocery shopping taken care, or food was on the table--but it counted for something. The house was filled with emotions, busyness, and purpose. And though we didn't always have the "Brady Bunch" sweetness and everything is fine moments, we did have good times and plenty of those special times when everything feels right.

I was watching "Failure to Launch" last night with Mike. At one point the mom in the story made the comment that having her son move out and leaving just her and her husband scared the **** out of her. She then went on with her fears of "what if we don't like each other any more?" and so on. When I first watched the movie a couple of years ago, these comments didn't even register. Now, I so know what she means.

I don't know how to be with "just Mike." What are we supposed to do? What do we talk about? How do we live with just the two of us? It doesn't seem like we should be hiding in different rooms, in books or movies, or in work-related projects. I can't get used to not having others around to fill the voids or give me purpose--so, I am lost--really lost in this new, and disappointing phase of life.

If any of you have suggestions on dealing with this, please pass them on. I really don't know how or what to do with this "empty nest" stage.

More Grandkids

Another day with the grandkids. No, that isn't the only thing I do in life. The other days I work, work, work, and work. Grandkids are my occasional break from work. Heidi went to her scrapbook retreat and we had the kids for one of her days gone. The rules at Nonna and Poppa's are slightly different than the rules at home (and the rules we had for our kids). We play, I don't get quite as stressed about messes, and a random jumping on the couch is OK.

Deegan spent about half an hour or more wrestling, punching, throwing, slam-dunking, and whatever else this poor alligator could handle. It reminded me of the All-Star Wrestling matches of the 80's.

It is funny how much a five-year-old can imagine and do with a stuffed animal!

Sy was a little more tender and careful with her animal.

Deegan roping the steer from the trampoline. Standing on the tramp puts him closer to the height of sitting on a horse to rope. First throw, first catch! After this one, he seemed to get a little less careful and a little more cocky. He didn't catch again until he stopped and listened to instructions from Poppa.

Sitting on the tramp.

Deegan insisted I jump on the tramp with him, so I did and Poppa held Sy while he watched us. We jumped, cannon-balled, played tag, jumped some more, and when Nonna stopped jumping was told in no uncertain terms to start jumping again. Sy joined us for a few minutes of gentle bouncing and loved it!

Deegan and I made M&M cookies, I made those yucky "pigs-in-a-blanket" that I thought I would never have to make again, had quiet time watching a movie while Sy slept. When Poppa came home (the weather got better) we played outside, Deegan fed the calves and stock, drove the truck, checked on Optimus Prime Rib, and had one heck of a good time with his Poppa.

Birthday Girl!

Syeira turns one! Nonna forgot her camera! Thank goodness for cell phones that have a camera!

Nellie (Sy's aunt) had prom that same night so we all went to Grandma Julie's house for birthday and prom preview. Julie made appetizers and finger foods and Heidi made a cake. Mikie and Cherisa met there as well.

Sy opened presents, with a little help from her thoughtful big brother. One gift was a tiny little ring that she is trying to take off of her finger right now. It was fun to watch her play with the ring. At one point I noticed it was on the finger on the other hand, then she was chewing on it. Finally, Heidi had to take the ring and put it away.

Sy's very favorite gift was this little stuffed Elmo toy. When Elmo's mouth opens, he talks and makes sounds. Sy first would just open Elmo's to hear him talk, but then would just shake him and get the same results. It was so fun to watch her figure these things out.

Josh pulled out Nellie's old dirt bike and amazingly enough, Deegan's feet touched the pegs (but not the ground). They started up the bike and Deegan took off, with a little help getting started. He was a natural, no surprise there, and went around and around without wanting to rest at all.

Another fun day with grandkids. What a blessing to be so close to family and have time to spend with them.

Soccer!

Deegan and Syeira stayed at our house Friday, Friday night, and Saturday morning. Heidi went to San Francisco with her mother-in-law to see "Wicked" and enjoy a weekend of fun. We had the kids until Josh could be home with them on Saturday and Sunday. Of course, Friday night we played too long and went to bed too late. Saturday morning Deegan had his first soccer game so we took the kids to Vernal to watch the game and meet Josh.Deegan is practicing with Poppa. I don't think Dee knows that Poppa coached soccer at Union High for several years. Deegan was so excited to play!

The coach is giving last minute instructions. Deegan had only had one practice and when the game started, he was frustrated because the other kids were kicking the ball and not letting him have a chance at it. He really did not understand the game, and that, combined with little sleep the night before, provided some emotional moments. When Deegan came to sideline, in tears, Josh and Mike (Poppa) helped explain and then motivate Deegan to go back on the field and try again.

So excited! Deegan scored a goal (for the other team). He was so proud of his accomplishment! Thankfully, no one criticized or made fun of him. Everyone congratulated his fine skills and suggested that next time try to make a goal in the other net.

Even Sy clapped for her big brother!

End of the game cheers and some pretty pleased team members.

After the game, Deegan and Josh spent time kicking the ball around, passing, dribbling, and shooting. Josh is really a good dad and Deegan adores him.

Hiking

One of the favorite nearby places to hike is Papago Park. Roux picks his own route and we follow. First the lake to see the ducks and geese, and then to throw little sticks and rocks into the water. (Do all boys love doing this? I remember my sons doing the same thing!)

Then follow the stream and throw more little rocks and dirt. We have to look closely to see if there is anything interesting in the stream, but not so close as to fall in.

Next we follow the path that Roux chooses. Naturally he has to pick up sticks, play with the bugs, examine every little thing along the way, and tell us all about the wonderful things he has discovered. For me, the fun part was that he always had to hold "Nonna's" hand as we were walking. What a way to boost my self-esteem!

At the top with the hole in the rock behind.

Mom and son looking out over the view.

Roux and I (and Vi) had such a good time playing, snuggling, reading books, walking, and enjoying the grandma and grandson bond. He is such a sweet little boy and I love being able to spend time with him and his mom.

I can't wait until my next visit--maybe in May???